The Lost Touchdown
(Editor’s Note: NGC Founder Noah Garrett is a die-hard Washington Redskins fan and was so disgusted after last night’s MNF defeat to the Philadelphia Eagles, he wrote this is in a Tuesday-morning tirade. Enjoy.)
After saving the world by running through a maze of challenges in the nation’s capital in Dan Brown’s latest book The Lost Symbol, famous symbologist Robert Langdon decided to take a break and hunker down in a D.C. hotel room before heading back to his home in Cambridge. “All I came here for was to give a lecture,” he processed internally.
He checked into a nice hotel in D.C. and took a shower. While shaving, he glanced into the mirror and noticed the bags under his eyes when the telephone rang. “Now what?” he pondered.
On the other end of the line was a dark raspy voice. “Robert,” the man whispered into the phone. “I need you to come to FedEx Field immediately. It’s a matter of life and death.” “Who is this,” Robert asked. “It’s Daniel Snyder, owner of the Washington Redskins. Come quick. We have a problem only you can figure out. A limo is waiting outside your hotel.”
“Wait, how did you know I was here …” Robert blurted before Daniel interrupted, “there’s no time to explain.” Robert hung up the phone, finished getting dressed and went out the door.
Robert arrived at FedEx Field and was met by Daniel Snyder’s assistant outside the entrance of the stadium. “What’s this all about,” Robert asked the woman. “I don’t know,” she replied, “but Mr. Snyder seems desperate for your help.”
Robert was escorted upstairs to a plush luxury suite where Daniel sat behind a huge desk. “Glad you could make it. We really need your help,” he directed to Robert without even saying hello. “Fine,” Robert replied, “This better be good.”
“You are the world’s best code breaker, and we need you to decipher what is wrong with our team, take over as play caller, and put us back into the right direction before the season is over for us. Like I said, it’s a matter of life and death,” Daniel explained. “Ok,” Robert agreed, “I’ll take a look and see. But, this will cost you.”
Robert knew Daniel was rich and was willing to spend whatever it took to make the Redskins the greatest team on earth.
The scholar took hold of the Redskins playbook, looking through all the X’s and O’s, and stored everything in his photographic memory. He then started watching tape from a recent Monday Night Football game where the team embarrassed themselves at home against the Philadelphia Eagles on national television.
“Mr. Snyder,” Robert started with the Redskins’ owner jumping out of his chair with excitement. “I see nothing wrong with this playbook, the offensive schemes, the defensive packages, and as a matter of fact, this is one of the better playbooks in the NFL. The problem isn’t the design,” Robert pointed out, “it’s the delivery and execution by your players and coaches. If it was up to me, with the exception of a few, I would get rid of all of them and just start over.”
“That’s it?” asked Daniel. “No, Mr. Snyder, “Robert continued. “When I say get rid of everyone with the exception of a few, you are not included in the few.”
“You want me to fire myself,” Daniel quipped like a spoiled trust-fund brat. “Yes, it’s the only way. To be great, requires great sacrifice from everyone, including you. But, don’t do it officially until you pay me my enormous consulting fee.”
Daniel grabbed a large sum of cash – pocket change to him, but five years salary for most folks. “But, you haven’t figure out what needs to be done the way I want you to,” Daniel sobbed. “Sorry, Mr. Snyder, I don’t play your game,” as Robert snatched the wad of cash from Daniel on the way out the door and the beleaguered team owner slouched down on his desk and began to cry.
At the end of The Lost Symbol, Dan Brown offers one word for readers to dwell on until his next book: Hope. As for the Redskins Nation, that may be a tall order to ask fans now that the team has moved from the cream-puff portion of the schedule into the bulk of the tough NFC East.
Geez, even Robert Langdon knows the best thing to do as a Redskin right now is to take the money and run – not to the playoffs mind you, but to the bank. That’s the team’s greatest asset.